The Little Fat Girl Inside:  Came Out to Play … and Eat!!

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It’s been a little over two months since my last blog entry.  That’s partly because sometimes chronicling my maintenance journey can be a difficult task.  On the up side, I get to share some of my success stories and some of the tools and “tricks” that I am using to win the maintenance battle this time.  On the down side, self-reflection and forthright sharing can be painful.   I guess, though, there are lessons to be learned on both sides.

Since my November posting, I have enjoyed a two-week vacation in Sicily (amazing!) and the holidays of Christmas and New Years – all filled with good food, drink, family, and friends!  Regrettably, “filled with good food” began to take on a life unto itself.  In other words, the “little fat girl inside” began to enjoy excesses of cake, cookies, ice cream, chips, cheese, bread, pizza, and more!!!  I guess she had been “trapped” inside for over 250 days of maintenance and just went wild.  So there’s my confession … one that I have been struggling and hesitating to put on paper.  Yet the reality is that this weight maintenance journey (or likely any maintenance journey) is bound to have its share of setbacks (even big ones at times).  The critical story is so then what do I do…???

The answer was not immediately evident.  It’s probably been at least three weeks of on again/off again commitment on my part. As a result, I would gain a little, lose a little … and try to convince myself that was okay and it would all balance out in the end.  However, with my most recent weigh-in, I found myself outside of my goal range of 120-125.  The numbers were going up more than going down.

It was then that I remembered the plan that I had put in place on Day 1 of my maintenance journey and the clause that I had included in case things did not always go well:  “IF I go way out of the lane (e.g. 128-129), I will make a major change in my diet – back on IP Phase 1 for 2 weeks, followed by a week on each of the other phases.”  Just reading the plan and knowing that I had made a commitment to do something specific in case of a setback gave me the motivation to get back with the program.  So I am back on Phase 1 until February 3rd at which time I will then move to a week of Phase 2, followed by Phases 3 and 4.
I had to move past the “I’m sorry” for eating all that I shouldn’t have eaten.  I had to move past the feeling guilty.  I had to take time to do some reflection (which I do best when I put it in writing).   I had to allow myself the freedom to say “It’s OK” and move on.

So my New Year’s resolution and message is not a new plan or a new weight loss regime.  Rather it’s an acceptance of the past (…it’s OK) and an eagerness to move forward.  I read a message the other day on My Fitness Pal and it concluded with the following:

Everyone has those days; everyone has those thoughts.  Screwing up is part of the plan. What matters is forgiveness. Forgive yourself, get back on track, and do a little better tomorrow. After all, it’s OK!”

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